Can someone tell me?

There's been a perpetual thumping in the temples of my head since I woke up this morning.
Went for this survey thing; Wong recommended me.
Got free Clean&Clear stuff and RM80. (WEEEEE! THAT HALF-CARDIGAN FROM ZARA IS SO MINE!)
At least I got something out of sitting there with my headache giving me hell.
I like money.

Mum dropped by the salon before heading home so she could get her hair washed and cut.
On the way home, I broached the subject of me joining again.



Mum, I wanna go back.



She didn't respond at first, but then as usual she gave me a whole bunch of reasons why I shudn't go back and tried to convince me not to.
I kept telling her that I'd keep my results in good shape and that I won't hurt myself and kept trying to convince HER to let me go back.



But girl, next year's your SPM. You have to concentrate on your studies.



When she said that, I knew I was losing the battle.
What good way to convince me that I shudn't go back to something which would take up a lot of my time, wear me out and make me skip a few classes than to threaten me with my future.
And SPM is my future.
The starting of it anyway.



Mum, everything will finish by the end of June! I will still have four months to go before SPM.



I noticed that when I was giving her reasons as to why she should allow me to pursue what I enjoy, I was not only trying to convince her; but also myself.
I know that if I go back, I'd be taking on a lot of extra pressure.
But then I think the pressure I would be enduring the whole of next year if I go back would be extremely worth it, because I'd get to do what I want; what I enjoy.
And yet there's a thought in my mind which screams:



"What if I don't do well for SPM? What if my lazy self takes over again and I don't do well in my term and monthly exams and trials? What if I let down my parents, my teammates who are also my friends, and ultimately myself?"



I realized that I could not even convince myself as to why I should allow myself to go back.
I keep telling myself that others have done it during their SPM year, and did well for the exam anyway.
I keep telling myself that if they can do it, I can do it too.
I mean, why not, right?
And then another thought pops up in my head.
Those people are smart and hardworking, two things which I lack.
Would I be able to achieve what they have, if I tried?
Would I be able to stand the pressure throughout and not crack halfway?



Baby, next year is your last year. I don't want you to screw it up and regret it later.
Precisely, mummy! It IS my last year, and I want to enjoy it as long as study for my SPM.



Regret.
If I do go back, and I don't keep my scores up properly I don't want to regret ever going back. But the thing is, I have a choice in that. I can choose to work to keep my results in acceptable figures AND also do what I love.
But if I don't go back, then I'd always regret never going back.
And in that, I won't have a choice anymore. Because its now or never.
No turning back.



And its not just your results I am worrying about. What about safety? You're always carrying people and doing crazy stunts. What if something bad happens? I know you will be careful, but what if? If something bad does happen, you may have to stay back a year to complete your SPM, and you don't want that, do you?



It is true. There is a possibility.
But things like this have never really happened! Not that I know of anyway. (TOUCH WOOD TOUCH WOOD!)
The worst I'd heard of the injuries were sprained ankles, pulled muscles, and the one where Sandra had to go to the hospital because she bruised her ligament.
But that was all.

Finally she relented a bit, and asked for reasons why I wanted to go back so badly.
I answered, short and simple.



It is something I love, something I enjoy.



But apparently that wasn't enough.
And I just couldn't think of anything else to say!
I loved cheerleading, and I want to go back to it.
Isn't that reason enough?



Sigh.
Girl, listen to mummy, you've had your chance. You even reached the top spot, now its time to concentrate on your future.



She kept using the word "future".
I KNOW its my future.
But I don't want to look back in the future and regret not pursuing the matter.

My ear still hurts like fuck.
Does anyone know whether ear infections can lead to fevers?
Cos I feel as if I am having one now.
I have to fix my ear, pronto.


Anyone have any suggestions on how to cure piercing infections?




p/s: I've already taken out the stud, but the infection isn't going away. :(