Help, there's a noob at my table!

If, like me, you are a keen evangeliser for D&D or (insert iteration of your choice here) then you will have dealt with the introduction of noobs to your table on more than one occasion. It's presumably a given that you've already explained to them what RPGs are all about and why they're so cool, the noob would be a fool to turn down the chance to play them. However, integrating a noob into your